At least, it feels like it. I applied for a job today, but this time it would be a job I´d get paid for, not one of my many, many volunteering construction sites. I wrote a CV, had pictures taken that don´t look like me at all and had a telephone interview with the lady who´d hire me.
It would be an awesome job, well, actually it´s one of two jobs, and I don´t know which one would be mine. In both cases, I´d be entertaining children, crafting with them, singing with them, helping with their homework, supervising their lunchbreak, helping them with their homework - that kind of job. I know I´m good at it because I´m allready doing exactly this. In school. And with my own kids. I know it makes my life happy and full.
But it feels odd, because I can only spend my time, and my thoughts, and my energy, and my love once. My days are so full allready, and there´s nothing I could cut on. Getting my mind into this job today cost me allready that I didn´t write the slightest bit in my book, and that I got angry with my kids because they interrupted my CV-writing with their horses and math tasks and books about the little duckling.
Getting my mind into this job makes me realize that this is a step into a certain direction. Until now, this part of my life, the career part, is probably the only part of my life in which I´m still free to roam. Today feels like a good day for sewing babypants all day long? Okay, lets do it! Next day it would be nice to do a scavenger hunt? Well, here we go. And on the third day, I drift in the illusion that I´m the new Stephenie Meyer.
I love doing so many, many things. Teaching children is a part of it. But building imaginary worlds also is, and playing the piano for hours, and meeting fascinating people over the internet, and reading all the books my friends handed me, and plotting our summer holiday, and sewing clothes, and building the library in our school.
I´m slightly scared that I am going to loose this.
But I do want the label that comes with a job. It sounds so much cooler to say you do something professional than staying a volunteering housewife all day long. Oh, and don´t forget the money! I allready checked guitar prices :) Half of my heart feels like if I don´t take this chance, now, I´m never going to make it, just because I´m too chicken. The other half feels like it would be crazy to give away this life of freedom.
Sigh. The burden that emancipation brought to us, huh?
Am I really going to hit the publish button on this one? Guess I am. No photo at all today, because Eva took my camera and snapped a gazillion pics of her classmates ears and butts and armpits. I´m so not posting these, even if she wants me to :)
But I´ve got music:
Did you see the google doodle today? I thought it was exceptionally beautiful, can´t remember I ever thought that about a google doodle before. So I looked up the artist, found he made this video, and found that I actually love this song pretty much.
1 comment:
Yes I saw the doodle, I even printed the static one out and showed it to my networking group because I thought it was really cool too! :)
As to the going to work part, le sigh. There are many, many days I wish I did not have to work. But, when I was out of work for several years I did get treated differently by certain people. You are perceived differently by others sometimes when you aren't working, but don't let that be your deciding factor. Go to work because you want to. You are so creative you should host kid craft parties/classes where the parents pay you to teach their child to craft. If I wasn't in the US I would help promote you! Maybe you just need to start you own business :)....have a great day dear!
Post a Comment